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п»їHow to know if your relationship is going well
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There are as many types of relationships as there are colors in the world. There are couples who have a great start but that love suddenly fades, but there are also other relationships that are able to emerge stronger from adversities. In this way, the difficulties will make them more united and have a stable and lasting connection. But how can you know if your relationship is going well?
But why do some relationships last and others die quickly? According to psychologist John Gottman - with more than 40 years of experience researching relationships - most breakups are not caused by major differences of opinion, but by the inability to communicate these opinions assertively and respectfully. In other words, it is not the lack of coincidence but the inability to communicate that kills couples.
For Dr. John Gottman, the best place to investigate the dynamics of a couple is in their everyday places, within their usual environments, which he calls "laboratories of love". He states that he and his team have seen so many cases that, with just five minutes of observation and listening, they are able to make a prognosis about the couple's continuity.
"Love and do what you want. If you keep silent, you will keep silent with love; if you shout, you will shout with love; if you correct, you will correct with love; if you forgive, you will forgive with love."
-Tacitus-
Thanks to all the findings made in these investigations, today we can take into account some signs that will help you to know if your relationship is on the right track. We hope they will be useful and help you to reflect.
You complain, but don't criticizeYour complaints can be about what is happening, so don't blame your partner for what is happening. It is necessary not to complain against each other and start looking for solutions as soon as you perceive something as negative so that the situation does not become too unstable.
It is also very important to never criticize the character or personality of the partner, as this can do very deep damage to the heart. Something that can certainly wither the plant of love little by little.
For example, if your partner has forgotten to pay a traffic ticket on time, has been penalized and now the fine is more expensive, you can open a discussion with her about what has happened. However, when you do so, do not bring up a collection of actions that he or she has also done wrong because your complaint, although well-intentioned, can turn into a terribly destructive criticism.
"We learn to love not when we find the perfect person, but when we come to see in a perfect way an imperfect person."
-Sam Keen
You treat each other with kindness all the timeSometimes, over time couples lose respect for each other because each partner does not do it to themselves individually. It is necessary to work on self-esteem and assertiveness in order to be kind to oneself, to others and, of course, to one's partner.
A sign that a couple is on the right track is that you can talk to each other in a cordial, kind and friendly way.
You need to connect with yourself and work on good communication to make this a habit. This will reflect respect for each other, something that will certainly foster a long-lasting relationship. If you don't know how to do this, you can do a little exercise for a few days. Try to treat your partner as if they were someone you just met and liked, ask questions even if you already know part of the answer and listen actively.
... you will be amazed at the changes you will start to see in your relationship!
You are not contemptuous of your partner nor do you feel that they are contemptuous of youLove is universal but at the same time it has to be unique to the hearts that share it. One of the first aspects where couples show that they have fallen in love is in language. That which from the outside may seem corny, is part of the glue of love and its disappearance is one of the first indicators that a couple is in crisis.
It is not because they stop using certain words, certain ways of referring to each other, what changes first is the way in which it is said. Even these affectionate references can be exchanged for insults, contempt, hateful looks or hurtful remarks.
"To love is not only to want, it is above all to understand."
-Françoise Sagan
Sometimes with all the intention in the world and sometimes without measuring the consequences, the truth is that a destructive language will gradually generate a resentment that later will not be easy to identify and even less to heal. No matter how hard it blows and how many words it is, the wind does not carry away personal attacks, nor poisoned recriminations, nor insults. These phrases leave such a deep mark that it is worth making the effort to apply preventive rather than restorative measures.
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п»їNo one is emptier than he who is full of himself
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There is no one who is as empty as he who is full of himself, for when one is enclosed alone in his bubble, his heart becomes selfish and his narcissistic interests prevent him from enriching himself with all that the world has to offer.
That is why it is said that those narcissistic people, who are only interested in "the first person" become coarse, rude and hesitant, even though their beliefs make them think that their coldness and their "great" identity is a great example to the world.
Because those narcissistic people do not realize that in their selfishness they become intractable while at the same time they miss the opportunity to enjoy thousands of things while becoming more and more empty and without essence.
The 8 voids of narcissistic peopleSadly, narcissistic people have to live with many voids due to their selflessness and self-centeredness. Let's look at some of them:
1-Empathy voidsTheir constant "I, me, me, me, me" make them lose the ability to put themselves in the other person's place. It is no longer that they are not interested, but that it becomes a matter of habit. Therefore, narcissistic people lose the ability to understand each other day after day, because they only manage to validate their feelings by attending to their interests and needs.
2-Empty of healthy self-esteemAt this point it is worth remembering that their own understanding and acceptance of their inner self becomes necessarily diminished, since narcissists do not manage to discover themselves beyond what their imagination creates and recreates.
Therefore, because of these projections, they cultivate a false self-esteem, fail to reach their own self-knowledge and prevent themselves from loving themselves unreservedly and fully.
3-Empty of loyalty and honestyHonesty and loyalty express respect for oneself and for others, tinge life with trust, sincerity and openness, showing the deepest essence with frankness.
Because of their self-centeredness, narcissistic and selfish people miss the opportunity to trust, to beat the pulse of uncertainty and to walk through life enjoying the scenery.
4-Empty of love
Is there anything sadder than not knowing the power of love? To love and be loved requires consideration, respect, responsibility and values. For this reason, those who are only capable of loving themselves will not be able to take a feeling as deep as love any further, thus drastically limiting their emotional repertoire.
5-Vacuums of tolerance and humilityNarcissists are not able to tolerate and accept the opinions, feelings, behaviors or thoughts of others as long as they are different from their own. That is why they position themselves on the side of emptiness, preventing a positive attitude towards relationships and diversity, biasing their internal dialogue and their own emotional and social growth.
6-Vacuums of responsibilityA person who thinks only of himself is incapable of answering and being accountable for his actions to the rest of society. As a consequence, an even greater social isolation is produced, which generates a strong immaturity that allows him to cultivate even those facets that interest him.
7-Vacuums of life and freedomNarcissistic persons have vacuums of life and freedom, because they are subjected to their beliefs and their thoughts that will limit their attitudes and their desires, whether they are aware of them or not. A free person hates to possess or hold power, because the moment he does so, he will become a slave to his own position, thus renouncing his life and his desires.
8-Identity voidsThis is, if possible, the hardest and most consistent with all the voids mentioned above. A person who only thinks of himself and only knows how to admire and love his own qualities is empty of identity, since he will be nobody in the world because he has no world of reference.
That is to say, he who thinks he is more than anyone else will never be able to aspire to grow in the world, he will limit himself to listening to his own version of his existence and will only be able to remain in the bitterness of his empty aspirations, devoid of any emotion.
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In a monastery in northern India, Tibetan monks, through the Tum-mo yoga technique, are able to control their body temperature. Witnesses who observed the event, did not notice even the slightest tremor, after seeing how a monk, sitting on a wet sheet soaked in ice water, and another wet sheet on his shoulders in a room where the ambient temperature was around 5 degrees.
The Tum-mo yoga technique transports them to a state of deep meditation. Anyone wrapped in cold sheets would have started to shiver. But the most normal thing would have been, after the corresponding hypothermia, to die. However, the heat emanating from the monks' bodies in this meditative state not only kept them alive, but managed to dry the sheets within an hour. Herbert Benson, professor of medicine at Harvard and president of the Mind/Body Medical Institute in Boston, has studied the Tum-mo technique for 20 years. He states that Buddhists intuit that the reality in which we live is not the only one, but that there is another reality with which we can connect that is not altered by our emotions or the real world.
This state can be reached by our mind through deep meditation. In this line, the heat they generate through their body is a reflection of the Tum-mo technique. Researchers conducted and confirmed with astonishment an experiment, in which they removed the dry sheets of the monks and covered them with several layers of wet cloths for hours. They were again able to dry the sheets using the heat emanating from their bodies.
How does Professor Benson's research relate to the monks' tum-mo yoga meditation techniques? Dr. Benson believes that an advanced form of Tibetan meditation, as practiced by these monks, can enable the mind to control physiological processes that previously seemed impossible to modify. Based on the Tum-Mo yoga technique, Dr. Benson developed a method called "The Relaxation Response", by which using certain resources (repetition of words, phrases, short sentences, sounds, etc.) we achieve a physiological state contrary to stress, freeing our mind from thoughts harmful to health.
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