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When a conflict, situation, comment, etc. obsesses us, our brain repeats that pain and suffering infinite times. Our memory and our imagination multiply the negative emotions generated by that event in a wrong way, to the point of losing the real measure of things.
When we are not able to control the worry within reasonable margins, it will inevitably create a circle of anguish whose epicenter will be formed by the well-known "anxiety".
For the human being to be able to maintain a constructive reasoning, to recognize dangers, to look for solutions, or to manifest himself with dignity in life in any situation, "worry" and its inseparable friend "anxiety", are absolutely necessary, but in their right measure.
When worries constantly take over our mind, our brain starts an inner movie that will quickly distort reality.
Little by little our mind will adapt to this repetitive situation to the point of making it chronic, because all the chapters will always lead us to the same place: people who cannot stop being and being worried.
With no possible way out and with deep-rooted anguish, worry takes over our brain generating a kind of mental addiction, which can develop nervous disorders of different types: insomnia (with permanent thoughts or worries), phobias (rejection of people, situations or things), obsessions (about order, image, cleanliness, health).
Faced with this problem, the best way to stop this circle of constant anxiety is to assume a critical attitude towards our thoughts, to pay attention to ourselves and to ask ourselves with a more than healthy skepticism:
What is the real probability that my fears will actually occur?
Does it do me any good to dwell on this worry in this way?
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Hearing voices, in our culture, means suffering from some kind of serious mental disorder, a psychotic disorder, usually schizophrenia. Hearing voices seems to automatically turn you into a madman, a seriously ill person marked with a label of permanently mentally disturbed that is not easy to deal with, because it is not fair and you have not put it on yourself.
This label turns you into someone who is supposedly dangerous, an aggressive person who barely has any control and who has to be medicated to stop being a danger to society. From that moment on, your whole life will revolve around these psychotic symptoms, not to understand them but to try to eliminate them.
But, very few people have stopped to listen to what these voices are saying and to take them in a different way, in a more understanding and inclusive way. To try to understand the suffering of these patients who have auditory hallucinations and to teach them how to live with them, because what if you heard voices yourself?
"Lunatic persons hear voices which other people cannot hear; and instead of considering them as possessing abnormally acute hearing, they are shut up."
-Bertand Russell
I hear voices and I am afraidI hear voices, yes, I hear them. It all started one morning, when I was still a teenager. I was alone in my room, although I don't quite remember what I was doing. Suddenly, a voice, a dark, harsh and almost gloomy voice began to criticize and laugh at me. Then another voice answered him, another voice, a higher-pitched voice, another voice that saw me and talked about me.
I was very scared, there were two people I could not see who were talking about me in the third person, criticizing me and laughing. I could hear them as if they were next to me, but I could not see anything, where are they hiding, how could they see me?
I started to shuffle around the room as if I were possessed, but I was afraid, I was very anxious. Two strangers were judging me mercilessly and laughing, they saw me continuously, their laughter filled my head and I couldn't see them, I had to find them, wouldn't you have done the same?
Then I decided to shout at them to stop and I started to smash the furniture, what if they were inside it and saw me through a hole?
It was horrible, an anguish that I can't even describe. Just at that moment, my family, and even the neighbors, came to see what was happening. They told me that I was making all the noise, that I had lost control, that I had gone crazy, but couldn't they hear the voices, how could they not hear them if they are going to make me deaf?
And then an ambulance arrived along with the police, why did they call them, why do they want to give me an injection, why are they looking at me funny, don't they hear those who are insulting me and laughing mercilessly? I am not crazy, I just hear voices and I am afraid, very afraid.
Another way of understanding psychosisAny one of us could be the protagonist of this story, and although the first psychotic episode is usually preceded by a period of disorganized, unusual, seemingly nonsensical, bizarre and extravagant behavior, which may include bizarre ideas, it does not always have to be this way.
Sometimes, the outbreak can arise spontaneously, without prior warning, which causes greater uncertainty and anxiety to the person who suffers from it. For this reason, movements such as Hearing Voices ask that we take more into account the person behind the diagnosis and stop stigmatizing voices and start including them as another part of the subject's biography.
Not in vain, about 2% of the general population hears voices, but of these people, only a third present significant psychopathological alterations that lead them to ask for professional help. This is so, because the problem is not the voices but the relationship that the person establishes with them.
So the next time someone tells you that they hear voices, think more about the fear that person feels, about the harm it does them to feel misunderstood, to be called crazy without stopping to think about finding an explanation for the voices and just focus on eliminating them with drugs, because that person could be you and those voices could be your condemnation to the incomprehension and loneliness of mental illness.
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2022/02/03 08:34:43 |
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Compassionate leader |
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Compassionate leadership: a powerful resource for galvanizing a team
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п»їCompassionate leadership: a powerful resource for galvanizing a team
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Warren Bennis once said that a good leader is one who is able to convey a personal vision to a given group. To this day, we know that this definition falls short, very short. In fact, nothing is as complex as managing a group of people and influencing them to give their best. In this context, compassionate leadership is perhaps one of the most interesting approaches.
One thing that publishers are well aware of is that this topic is always topical. Everyone has had an unsuccessful boss, one of those who hover between authoritarianism and narcissism. It is interesting to understand why they are like that.
Leadership matters today because it has an impact on those who are subordinate to it and it also matters to those who must exercise it at some point in our lives.
Daniel Goleman explains in his book How to be a Leader that one way to improve business performance and innovation is by applying motivational intelligence in every organization. Strategies such as good communication, proper management of emotions and a successful exercise of empathy, significantly improve the atmosphere and management of every leader with his team.
However, the truth is that most of the time we remain in good intentions and nothing (or very little) of this is applied effectively.
Not by taking a course and not by working a few hours with a mentoring expert will a bad leader become a good leader. It is a complex process, because there are personality factors, genetic components and acquired habits that make change difficult.
Nevertheless, it is something that should be worked on. Let's go deeper into the subject.
What is compassionate leadership? Compassion can basically be defined as the desire to be kind to others. We could say that it is a practice that does not abound in excess, but something we know well from the field of psychology and neuroscience is that few dimensions come to have so much influence on the human being.
Compassion is the opposite of aggression, submission, authoritarianism and even indifference. Compassionate leadership is the capacity of a person to be close and understanding with the team he or she leads. Moreover, etymologically, compassion derives from two words: "to suffer with".
The person who allows himself to share the daily concerns of his people and connects with their emotional realities will have a greater impact on his people.
Let's get to know the dimensions that define compassionate leadership.
The key is empathyGreat leaders are not those with the best abilities to control, command or convey their ideas to others. In reality, the great leader is the one who manages to inspire. It is that person who understands the personal experience of others and awakens their strengths through motivation and trust. This can only be achieved through an exceptional psychic sinew: empathy.
This dimension is capable of eliminating confusion, opening doors, and bringing out the best in each person.
The compassionate leader guides his team and learns from themLeadership needs feedback. It is a continuous exercise in guiding, inspiring and guiding others and, in turn, learning from those around them. Because nothing is as complex and rich at the same time as a work team, where differences arise, where innovative and risky ideas flourish and where, of course, mistakes are also made.
Compassion allows leaders to use a flexible mindset to manage and learn from all these situations. It is to be receptive every day to every experience with openness and generosity.
Compassionate leadership, therefore, recognizes that each member of the group is not only an important person, but also a decisive piece of the project and the thread that holds the fabric of an entire organization together.
Support and recognition drives the daily improvement of the group and this is something that every good leader should be committed to.
An approach based on abundance and growth.
Another critical piece of compassionate leadership is the mental, emotional and behavioral approach of that figure leading a company. The person who maintains an attitude based on a sense of abundance, growth and self-improvement, progresses.
On the other hand, those who are obstinate in inflexibility, in tradition and in making sure that nothing changes, stagnate and rarely know how to face challenges.
Compassion is knowing how to connect with optimism. It is to see ten solutions to each problem and not ten problems in each situation. The person who exercises this dimension on a daily basis inspires others and creates a comfortable and satisfying work environment.
Is it possible to move from an authoritarian leadership to a compassionate one? As we pointed out at the beginning: it is not easy to achieve change in a leader, especially if he is used to developing a vertical leadership, if he is basically an autocratic boss who exercises power from top to bottom. How can he be oriented towards a more compassionate perspective through a more horizontal scheme?
The answer is not simple. And it is not because when we talk about leadership, what lies behind it in many cases is a personality style. One communicates, works, manages challenges and difficulties based on one's experience, needs, attitudes and personality variables. The narcissistic leader will hardly become a compassionate leader.
Beyond this reality, there is an undeniable fact. Leadership style reverts to the organization and marks its success and survival in the market.
A bad leader is like a virus that infects and weakens everything. Therefore, every person who is in charge of a team, whether it is a business, sports or any other type of team, should reflect on himself. The impact he or she has on others is the most decisive factor.
Choosing compassionate leadership can change everything.
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Our intelligent nature
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To live is not just to exist. So, to keep yourself psychologically healthy you are supposed to act on what connects with your self. But is this performance a reflection of who you are, and do your steps lead you towards what you want? Having the courage to be you goes through the discovery of who you are: what are your values, fears, goals, likes and dislikes?
In the field of acceptance and commitment therapy, values are considered to be an essential psychological component that gives coherence to how we face our life. PГЎez, GutiГ©rrez, Valdivia and Luciano (2006) offer a vision of how working on the clarification of personal values has a favorable impact on the process of personal development of each one of us.
Your values are a compass for making decisions. Of course, we are talking about possibilities, not absolute certainties. However, when working in therapy to discover and define values, the person is asked to do so as if there were no obstacles. It will be later when we have to negotiate with reality: in reality, different values may conflict.
Create a life worth livingListening to your heart will show you the way to have the courage to be you and pursue goals that do not compete with your desires. This involves an exercise in analysis, asking yourself what your life is about, what you are here for, and what makes life worth living. And it is not easy. You can be shipwrecked among your desires, and you will inevitably experience some conflicts that can lead to a blockage in your performance.
When you find yourself at a crossroads like this, to acquire this knowledge about your life and therefore about yourself, it is important that you go to a psychology professional who will accompany you to discover yourself. Knowing yourself is the first step in creating a life with a minimum level of dissonance.
Clarify your values and have the courage to be youClarifying personal values is an important aspect of the psychological therapy process. Therefore, when psychologists work on strategic change aligned with our patients' values, we ask a series of questions that can help them unravel all the aspects that are important to their lives:
What is important to you?
What do you want your life to be about?
What kind of person do you want to be?
What kind of relationships do you want to build?
If you weren't struggling with your feelings or avoiding your fears, where would you invest your time and energy?
Many times you pursue a goal without thinking this through. You simply follow a routine, day after day, without knowing that to create a rich, full and meaningful life, you need to reflect on these existential aspects and have the courage to be you. In addition, this personal work will help you discover your compass in the form of preferences.
Set goals that are important to youIt is important to keep in mind that values are not the same as goals. While a value refers to the direction in which you act and move forward, a goal is a desired outcome that can be achieved. When you achieve a goal you can cross it off your list, but a value is a process that never comes to an end. So, for example, a goal would be to change your job while a value would be to get deeply involved in your job.
Building a better, more satisfying life, driven by your values, involves going through the process of setting meaningful goals and having the courage to be you. According to Russ Harris, a physician and psychotherapist specializing in acceptance and commitment therapy, this process involves five steps:
Summarize your values
Write a brief description of the area and values you are going to work on. Put it in writing, the act of writing concentrates your thoughts and helps you to consciously remember this commitment. For example, in the area of partnership, I value being honest, loving and involved in life together while maintaining my personal space.
2. Set an immediate goalIt consists of setting a small, easy goal that is consistent with the value at hand. When you set goals it is important to be specific about what you are going to do. Usually starting with small, easy goals will help you overcome the fear of the difficult.
For example, if your value is to be a loving partner, your goal might be, "During my lunch break I will call my partner and tell him I am looking forward to seeing him."
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
-Lao Tse
3. Set some short-term goalsAsk yourself what you can do over the next few days and weeks. For example, if you value helping others, but your current job provides you with few opportunities to do so, one of your short-term goals might be to look for more fulfilling work opportunities.
4. Set some medium-term goalsSet specific challenges to achieve in the coming weeks or months that will move you in the direction you value. For example, if a very high priority on your preference scale is to take care of your health, a medium-term goal might be to quit smoking or to overhaul your diet to make it healthier.
5. Set some long-term goalsMake a list of goals you would like to achieve in the next few years. To do this, I invite you to do a simple exercise: imagine yourself in a month, a year and five years from now. To do this, take into account the resources you have, but also those you can acquire. Also, leave a margin for circumstances to sometimes contradict you.
Perhaps this whole process seems too orderly, detailed and structured, leaving no room for spontaneity. However, the truth is that setting goals, action plans and working in a way that is consistent with your values means laying the foundations for planning that reduces dissonance. Thus, without dragging this discomfort, it will be easier to improvise and make changes when necessary.
When we move in the direction we value, each moment takes on a fuller meaning. Thus, we encourage you to be deeply involved in everything you do, opening yourself to the experience. This way of living will help you to perceive what happens to you as stimulating and satisfying. Thus, even in the moments when it becomes difficult, you will have the courage to be you.
"We who lived in concentration camps remember the men who went from barrack to barrack comforting others, giving up their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they give sufficient proof that a man can have everything taken away from him but one thing: the last of human freedoms, to choose his own attitude in any circumstances; to choose his own way."
-Viktor Frankl
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Anger, that old acqu |
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VivianAcrom |
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Anger, that old acquaintance
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Anger is that old friend, known to all, capable of transforming us in a matter of seconds... That's why dealing with it is not so easy. Some people express it as they feel it, others repress it or camouflage it with pleasant words and there are even those who transmute it into another type of more pleasant emotion... Anger is a complex emotion that requires a deep inner review and reflection.
How many of us have surprised ourselves by raising our voice or how many times someone has reacted in a disproportionate way for something that we considered a nonsense. Although it is true that on other occasions, we do expect a reprimand from our parents, partners, bosses or friends for something we have done wrong. But what is behind the anger?
I have been hearing for years from friends and acquaintances that expressing anger is positive, that we should let go of everything we feel in order to be calm. But, is this so? should we release to the other person the first thing that comes to our mind in any way? To get to know this emotion better, we are going to break it down in detail because not everything is what it seems. Let's go deeper.
What is anger? Generally, we feel anger when we consider that one or other people have intentionally provoked an offense to our personal identity. It gives us the impression of being humiliated. Thus, it is not only about not having achieved something we had set out to achieve, but it requires the connotation of having suffered an insult or injury, or at least feeling it.
We can also experience anger when we observe social injustices. If we are walking down the street and witness a parent's mistreatment of their child, we may feel anger or great indignation.
"Anyone can get angry - that's easy, but getting angry at the right person, at the right level, at the right point at the right time, for the right reason, and in the right way - that's not within everyone's power and it's not easy."
-Aristotle-
Many of you may be thinking, "I know people who feel a lot of anger when the printer fails." In this case, believe it or not, there is also a process of humiliation. How is this? Some people are so negative that they interpret much of what happens in their lives as an attack, wherever it comes from. If the printer doesn't work, their thought might be something like "life is laughing at me, and now it's expressing it by making the printer fail".
In this way, we realize that we do not need a physical and external agent to subject us to humiliation, but that it is enough for us to interpret the intentionality on the part of something external to us to become angry. This aspect is particularly important because it makes us focus on ourselves. Are we annoyed by others or are we annoyed by ourselves?
Anger and egoWhen we react with anger, we are somehow trying to safeguard or increase our self-esteem. Thus, when we feel that our ego is threatened, our response may be one of anger at the situation.
If we react with anger when someone honks at us while we are driving, we tend to interpret that he or she is reproaching us for something wrong with our behavior. In this way, we feel our identity threatened by thinking that our ways of being and acting are wrong.
Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, argued that "it is cowardice, worthy only of a slave, to suffer an insult and let people of one's affection be attacked with impunity". From such a statement we can derive a rather simple justification for giving vent to anger. Is it worth reacting angrily to an insult? Sometimes we invest too much energy in tasks that do not require the slightest effort.
On one occasion, Buddha's disciples came to him and worriedly asked: "Master, wherever we go we are laughed at and insulted, how is it possible that you are not the least bit affected? To this Buddha replied: "The insult may come from them, but it never reaches me". This valuable teaching of Buddha is contrasted with the Aristotelian argument of cowardice. The first implies suffering, the second implies peace and serenity, which one do you choose?
Anger and actionWhen we feel our personal identity attacked, we experience a great physiological activation that is accompanied by a tendency to attack the person we consider responsible for the damage. This attack can be either physical or verbal. The response will depend on our degree of control and interpretation of the situation.
At other times, when the person we feel has offended us is our boss, the way to express anger may be to perform less well at our job. We know that if we respond aggressively the consequences could be worse, such as dismissal. So in situations where we may jeopardize some aspect of our life we opt to take more indirect actions.
Once we have unloaded all our anger on someone, one emotion that usually makes an appearance is guilt. When we have reconsidered the situation, we often feel guilty because we realize that we have gone too far. In this way, guilt acts to make us reconsider whether our reaction has been the most appropriate.
Finally, we should mention those people who always seem to be angry. In this case we could be talking about a trait of anger, i.e., they have made anger a way of life. Their mental patterns have been configured in such a way that they only know how to react in this way. In fact, there are different questionnaires and tests to measure anger such as the STAXI-2: "State-Trait Anger Expression Inventory". This questionnaire was initially developed by Charles B. Spielberg and translated into Spanish. Spielberg and translated into Spanish by Juan JosГ© Miguel Tobal's team.
How can I manage anger There is nothing better to start calming anger than to take a few diaphragmatic breaths, while reflecting on whether the person we consider to be to blame for our state really intended to offend us.
On many occasions, we react because we are oversaturated with demands, perhaps because we have had a bad day and anything excites us emotionally. Therefore, understanding or at least considering the possibility that others can also have such bad days will help us to understand the way they react and not take them so much to heart.
If our boss speaks badly to us for something we have done, he could also have spoken in the same way to another employee, so we should not take it personally, but as a way of reacting to the other person and that we have been caught in the middle.
Although it may seem that others have dominion over our emotional states, the power over anger is in our own hands. We decide whether we get angry or not. Leaving something as valuable as happiness in the hands of others is undoubtedly too high a price to pay.
Finally, I invite you to see yourselves as active agents in the face of an insult and not as someone passive who simply reacts. The power is in your hands.
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2022/02/03 00:48:34 |
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